As I have no idea if you check my tumblr anymore, I don’t know if you’ll ever end up reading this. And I guess it doesn’t particularly matter if you do or don’t. Mostly, it’s just been so long since I’ve written to you that I feel the need to unravel some things. Whatever you do, I just hope you know that this is in no way me attempting to copy her. She can write you as many generic love letters begging you to come back as she wishes. I suppose eventually she will run out of song lyrics to mimic. I’m not too concerned. But there are a few things that have been running through my head lately…and I have this horrible habit of keeping them all inside instead of sharing them with you…
This has just been so insane. This whole being a grown up and trying to survive on my own thing…it’s hard. Harder than I ever expected it to be. I know sometimes it has made me a horrible person. I know how I can be when I’m stressed out and overwhelmed. I’ve treated you like complete shit at times. I know I have. And though I know you’re not perfect either, you’ve been so good to me in spite of my chronic bitchyness. You’ve taught me so much. You have no idea how much I watch and learn from you. I respect you so incredibly much for how far you have come on your own. I know you’ve made your own mistakes along the way…but when all is said and done…girl…you are incredibly strong. I just hope that in some way I am helping you as much as you are helping me. I feel like now that we are finally together, our lives are starting to come back together. It’s like we had to lose everything…be stripped clear down to the bone…before we could begin to rebuild. This process has been so hard and so painful. And I’m not going to lie…I’ve cried way more tears than I ever wanted to this summer. But so much strength can come out of heartbreak, and I see that in us…in our relationship. We are nothing like the girls we were two years ago. We’ve seen a lot more pain and made a lot more mistakes. We’ve grown up a lot. But we’ve also become stronger and wiser and…if it’s possible…even more in love. My entire life I feel like I have taken you for granted…taken our relationship for granted. I just sort of expected you to always be there whenever I needed you. It’s been hard, but I finally am beginning to see what I did to you..and how unreasonable and hypocritical my expectations of you were. I can finally see that there is one reason and one reason only that you are here with me today…and that is because you are in love with me. And I can finally see that that is enough. More than enough. In spite of all of my weaknesses and insecurities, you truly truly love me. I cannot possibly deny that. Even now, when you touch me it’s like you set off a fire in my body that travels straight to my heart. I never want to lose that…and I’m quite sure that we never will. Before you, I never knew it was possible to feel this way about someone. I truly believe that God made us to fit perfectly together. The way we move and breathe and think…it just comes so naturally. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I just can’t get over you. There’s no explanation for this love. For the way I feel about you. It just exists…as simple and as pure as the stars exist in the night sky. You are and always will be the love of my life. Every day with you is another day I get to share with the one person whose heart is matched perfectly with mine. While everything else in this world feels so temporary, our love remains the one thing that is permanent. In all of these words, I guess what I’m trying to say right now is thank you. Thank you for choosing me. And for never completely giving up. Thank you for giving me the second chance I never deserved.
